I told myself I was going to do better about documenting shows that I went to, and reviewing movies I have seen, and posting more daily affirmations.

So this happened almost two weeks ago, but the sights and sounds are still pretty fresh on my mind so it is high time I tell you a tale of Mr. Neil Hamburger, America's funnyman.

I had heard rave reviews from friends about his comedy...and did a bit of reading about him. When I learned that he actually used to promote his Amway distributorship on stage, and then actually sell Amway out of the trunk of his car after shows, I was intrigued. When I learned Amway told him to cease and desist...I was a fan before I even heard one of his jokes.

Which is probably a good order, because his jokes aren't so clever. They are hilarious, but hilarious in the "oh-my-god, I-am-so-uncomfortable" kind of way. I was laughing and cringing so hard, that my memory stick somewhat failed so I don't remember too many of his zingers. Here are the ones I do remember:

• Why wouldn't Paris Hilton used the toilet at a party at Courtney Love's house?
  Because Courtney Love's dead body was already on the toilet.
• Why did the chicken cross the road?
  To take pictures of Princess Di dead in her car.
• Why did God create the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
  To help boost the sales of heroin.

But I must say that my favorite part was the moment I first laid eyes on him, when he slunk onstage holding three glasses of water and a microphone...caughing and clearing his throat like an emphysema patient. His hair was greased from the back of his head and plastered across his forehead. He coughed for about 90 seconds, spit phlegm into his own drinking glass, then squinted into the lights trying to make eye contact with the soundman to ask....

"How are we doing on time?"

Check him out for yourself... (And be sure to keep your eye out for Yoko in the peanut gallery?!?)

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