So, I saw Return of the King yesterday.

If you haven't seen it, maybe don't read this.

For the most part I liked it a lot. But it's just that the end irritated me, because I hate how endings always have to tie everything in a nice pretty bow. Everyone lives, everyone finds true love, everyone has fat hobbit babies or win the battle of the band contest and lives happily ever after in every goddamn Hollywood movie.

I just thought more of the main characters should have died. (Sorry, J.R.R. Not to knock your masterpiece or anything.) Not because I'm evil or an asshole...but because I sincerely don't think all four midget/hobbits would have survived that entire ordeal. Of course I wanted them to live and I was rooting for them, but shit! They're little and tiny and uncoordinated!

The crooked jaw one should have died. And more importantly...

Frodo should have died, too. I know that's not how the story goes. But during that whole scene where he and Gollum were grappling on that precipice in Mordor, I really thought it would have made a incredible ending if the only way Frodo could have gotten the ring away from Gollum AND destroyed it would have been for him to tackle Gollum and send all three of them into the hot lava pit.

Heavy burdens should end with serious death.

I felt the same way about Star Wars, too. For some reason, I never saw any of the Star Wars movies until they rereleased them in theatres about 6 or 7 years ago. I remember being so so confused as to why they didn't have Luke Skywalker die...it made no sense to me. Fulfill your destiny, then die, already!

And the more I think about it, Lord of the Rings and Star Wars are the exact same story. Maintaining integrity vs. succumbing to corruption with the bonus of lots of gratuitous fighting in a series of three movies. Even Gollum kind of looks like Darth Vader without his breather mask!

Hold on...do all trilogies have this theme? Because Back to the Future totally fits all this, too!

Unlikely Hero:
Frodo - Luke - Marty

Villian with purplish skin:
Gollum - Darth - Biff

White haired Mentor:
Gandalf - Obi Wan - Doc

Temptation of corruption:
Ring - Dark Side of the Force - Using Time Machine for Gambling

Special weapon:
Elvin chainmail/glowing orc stick - Light Saber - Skateboard

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